Let them go

Life. A series of events and experiences that can make, break, mould and shape us. And life primarily consists of relationships. Relationships are the flavor to life. Without them, it just would not be the same. So what do you do when those relationships that mean the most to you seem to be faltering and slipping away? The relationships you feel you cannot live or do without? For the past 7 months I have been hanging on to dear life for a relationship that in reality had ran its course. For me, it was and still is hard to accept because a) I did not think it was possible for this relationship to end and b) because the fighter in me would not let it die. However, deep within, I think the default button in me had switched on and for me, the default is fight.

You see, all my life I have been a fighter. Things have never come easy and I’ve always had to fight to get what I had and fight even harder to keep it. Some of you may understand what that’s like. So, as second nature, when I saw the relationship slipping, I fought tooth and nail, did all that was in my power, prayed, fasted and pleaded to God to resurrect it. It was hard coming to terms with the reality that what should be a lifetime relationship was really just for a season. And for me, this was hard to grasp because I believe in commitment and keeping promises and oaths. Yes, this is my marriage I am talking about here. I figured if we were both Christians, believed in the same God, a God or resurrection, forgiveness and miracles, why could we not trust Him to fix, heal and restore? But those were my thoughts. The reality is, although we shared the same space, he had moved on and was living his own life. We were housemates. He was and is in a backslidden state. Many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering what went wrong and what could I do to fix things. I talked to God, begged Him to intervene and the wedge just kept growing. The harder I prayed the more bitter and resentful he became to me. It was as if my prayers angered him. Through a series of events, we were brought face to face with the realization that we needed to give each other space. I was all for it, particularly when we sat, discussed and agreed the terms and that counseling would be sought. Somewhere between living apart he came to the conclusion that he was not ready for marriage (after all these years) and started up another relationship. And I begged, pleaded, cajoled and prayed and came to the realization that if I handed the relationship over to God, I mean really handed it over to Him and not try to work my way and my agenda, then I should consider the matter to be in His capable hands.

His capable hands. Hmmm. I would be a liar to say that it was that easy. Along the way I cried and questioned Him. There are many things I don’t understand. Like why me and why us. Why? Yet, I know my life and times are in His hands and that He has not forgotten me and that while everything is can be considered a variable, He is my one constant. He will never walk out on me, He will never change His mind, He will never come to the decision that He desires something or someone else more that me. His love for me is sure. So, I anchor myself in Him and trust Him day to day for His strength, grace, provision and infinite mercy. My hope in Him anchors my soul. Before I go, I leave you with this extract of a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes. If you ever find yourself chasing people, his words may bring a sense of understanding to you. I know they have helped me greatly!

 When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is not tied to the person who left. The Bible said that they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you and if they are not joined to you, you can get super-glue, you cannot make them stay. T.D.Jakes

*** Note: On Lady In Bloom I share my heart and experiences. It was not easy for me to open up and share this private experience but if it helps and empowers someone or bring a sense of clarity, then to God be the glory. At the same time, I do not advocate the breaking up of families. I fought a single fight to save my marriage. I have now chosen to leave it in God’s hand and let His will be done. I’ve done all that I can and can do no more. The other party has and continues to make it clear that they have no desire to remain in the relationship and has moved on and currently in another relationship. I have personally chosen to let go and based on Biblical grounds, I do have the right to a divorce. My personal option has been to forgive and trust God to heal and restore. The other party is not interested in that. I’ve said this wordy spiel to say this: I am not advocating that anyone walks away from their marriage. That is something between you, your partner and God. I’m just sharing my experience and saying that at times, the writing is on the wall and you don’t need to be tied to anyone who does not want to stay, particularly when they would have violated the vows and sanctity of the relationship. Sometimes, you have to know when their part in the story ends and accept it, no matter how hard or heartbreaking it is.

No condemnation

Therefore now, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus – Romans 8:1.

Over the past week I was thinking of how condemnation can keep a person stuck, almost rooted in one place, unable to move forward.

I don’t know what your experience is but for me, whenever I felt like I missed the mark or was not in the place I should have been, particularly when I felt I was growing and going forward in my walk with Him, slipping up and falling short always left me feeling unworthy and inadequate. It has gotten so bad that at times I felt unworthy of His love, grace mercy and forgiveness even though I know He supplies these lavishly on His children.

I’m a thinker and those closest to me have often commented that I need to give my brain some rest. They think that I over-think! At times, I am inclined to agree because I have seen that the trend of thoughts on my failures and shortcomings only served to put me in a further place of condemnation. But you know what I love about Him? Even in the deluge of thoughts and low feelings, He always has a way of breaking through the fog, often sending Romans 8:1 in either my daily reading, a sermon I’d come across on a Christian station online or even via a Pinterest photo. The same scripture would show up many ways, sometimes for an entire week just so that I get it. Hmmm.

So why am I sharing this with you? Because I have a feeling that I am not alone. You see, when the Father sent His son to die for us, it was the ultimate expression of love and the most perfect of gifts. A gift that is timeless and one that we as His children acknowledge as truly incredible. And I believe that sometimes, when we consider the magnitude of His love and His gift, we feel obliged to live our lives befitting of the title ‘Christian’. And that is a great thing – to live a life that says, I value Your Gift and the way You’ve expressed it. That said, if we are not careful, it can often push us in a place where we feel the need to perform.

At times, we can be so fanatical about the desire to perform, to be worthy, that we loose focus on His grace, which is perfect and sufficient. I think it is here that we step into the waters of ‘works’. Hmmm. Works. It comes in many forms. You know that experience - where you feel unworthy because you did not pray as much as you did yesterday and feel the need to compensate with extra Bible reading the next day? So you read random scripture and they fail to impact you because it just felt like something you needed to do? Or when you beat yourself up mentally for not doing something you were called to do. Perhaps you felt His leading to consistently visit a sick member of your community and you never really kept up with it. Guilty feelings and thoughts may bombard you and you address them by visiting the person daily but the need to perform and a get-it done-and-checked-off-your-list approach became more important that acting in love and obedience that you fail to connect with the person in a way that would allow Him to use you to reach that person.

Yes friends, condemnation can affect us in many ways. As you go through the rest of the month, remember that He does not condemn us. That’s the work of the enemy. Instead, let’s opt to walk in obedience and realize that even if and when we slip up, He is ready and willing to restore us and set us on the path He called us. His grace is truly sufficient.

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Even in my down days

Hello friend.

Like you, I have down days. Today started as such a day. I felt really heavy on the inside and had to beg of His strength just to roll off the bed and to believe His promises. I let a situation from the day before really get to me and I didn’t hand it over to the Lord but instead questioned Him on how contrary the situation was to the promises He gave me. I realized I was starting to feel sorry for myself so I grabbed His word, spent some time there, talked to Him and listened to sermons on YouTube. This caused the negative cloud over me to disperse.  And then someone on Facebook posted a video on my personal wall and I literally broke into tears. It was just what I needed to hear. God is amazing, huh? Even at our lowest point, He gives us what we need to keep forging ahead. Sometimes we forget who we are and even more so, Whose we are but He never does. In Isaiah He says:

 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

Friends, He never forgets us. Even in our down days. Even when our vision and perception of ourselves fail to match up with His. What a privilege to know and serve Him. So I digressed there a bit but I encourage you to watch the video below. It’s a beautiful spoken-word piece that I’m positive will cheer you up and cause you to realize you are beautiful, you are remembered, you are wonderful, you are loved and you’re also awesome. Enjoy, share and be blessed.

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When I started loving myself

I stumbled across this poem and felt the need to share it. It was thought provoking to me and I have a hunch it would do the same for you. I hope it is a blessing to you and causes something deep within you to stir and a new love and appreciation for yourself to spark. You are amazing, you are wonderful and fearfully made. You were made by a God who it the epitome of excellence and craftsmanship so if He created you, you’re never mundane, ordinary or ugly. You’re a masterpiece.

The poem was written by Charlie Chaplin the famous entertainer of the silent film period. It is said that he wrote it on his 70th birthday! Go figure! I would hope he came to the realizations expressed in his pom before his birthday but stumbling into a great realization is a beautiful thing, no matter the age!


 

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE.

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